The only ginger in THIS house, is in the spice rack.

I am NOT a ginger. Think, people. Ginger is yellow. I am a redhead. I was called “carrot top” growing up. Bruce Imig used to yell down the middle school hallways at me, “Flame on, Torch!” And my cousin Jim used to say, “I’d rather be dead than red on the head.” I even red [sic] recently that redheads are more likely to be bullied than kids with other hair colors. But I have suffered long enough the slings & arrows of redism. From now on, I will wear my red hair like a neon badge of courage and power. And I thought I’d share a few factoids about redheads (with my occasional commentary), for those of you still donning huge bad hats or dealing with botched dye-jobs as you try to hide your magnificent bittersweet locks under a bushel…

1. Redheads have a higher pain threshold than others. And painkillers used in childbirth work three times better on red-haired women than on others. Darn good thing,‘cause wait till you get to #5.
2. Redheads can withstand 25% more electric shock than non-redheads. Good to know for when the Capitol (Republicans) divides us all into Districts surrounded by electrified fences.
3. Red hair is usually thicker and coarser than blond hair, so it appears fuller.
4. Red pigment is a poor filter of sunlight, so redheads are more susceptible to sunburn, skin cancer and wrinkling with age.

5. In medieval times, red hair was thought to be a mark of a beastly sexual desire, sexual prowess, and moral degeneration. Two-thirds true. I won’t tell you which two thirds.

6. In Australian slang, redheads are often referred to as "rangas" (short for the orange-haired orangutan). No basis in fact. See #18.

7. Some astrologers believe that the planet Mars ("the red planet") is more likely to be rising above the eastern horizon (the astrological Ascendant, which supposedly influences a person's appearance) at the time of the birth of a red haired person than for the population in general. Is it a coincidence that my name means “of Mars”? I think not.

8. Red hair dyeing is sometimes practiced in Islam, because it is reported that Muhammad had red hair.

9. Scotland has the most redheads (13% of the pop.). Mary Magdelene is often pictured with red hair + she figures prominently in Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code + Dan Brown also mentions Rosslyn church + Rosslyn church is in Scotland = all redheads should get free trips to Scotland to see Rosslyn church. And to tip a pint with fellow redheads.

10. Redheads are more prone to mosquito bites and anemia.

11. The ancient Greeks believed that redheads would turn into vampires after they died. Makes sense…see #10.

12. Red is the rarest hair color in humans. Only 1-2% of people on the planet have naturally red hair.

13. Red hair doesn’t gray as much as other hair colors. It turns blond and then white. Never. I say, never.

14. According to Hamburg sex researcher Dr. Werner Habermehl, women with red hair have more sex than women with other hair colors. See #5.

15. Because natural red hair holds its pigment more than other colors, it is harder to dye.

16. During the witch hunts of the 16th and 17th centuries in Europe, many women were burned at the stake as witches merely because they had red hair. Figures. Imagine being a woman AND a redhead AND an herbalist AND a midwife. Oy.

17. Lilith, the supposed first wife of Adam, is said to have had red hair. She was ultimately kicked out of the Garden of Eden because she refused to be subordinate to Adam. I find this resistance to subordination common in most redheads I know, though not in shy, demure little me, of course.

18. Mark Twain once quipped that "while the rest of the human race are descended from monkeys, redheads derive from cats." That explains the hairballs.

19. Hitler reportedly banned the marriage of redheads in order to prevent “deviant offspring.” Takes one to know one.

20. According to George Chapman’s 1613 play Bussy D’Ambois, the perfect poison must include the fat of a red-haired man.

21. According to legend, the first redhead was Prince Idon of Mu who, upon discovering Atlantis, was imprinted with the island’s stunning red sunset and leaves in the form of red hair and freckles so future generations would be reminded of Atlantis’ first sunset. Clearly, proof of Atlantis’ existence.

22. Red hair is a recessive trait, which means that a child must inherit one red hair gene from each parent. I had two redhead grandparents, I have a redhead mom, a redhead brother, I married a red-bearded man, and of my three offspring, one is a natural redhead. Of my three grandkids, none is a redhead. My children will not be allowed to stop reproducing until I get a redheaded grandchild. Period.

23. Recessive traits often come in pairs, and redheads are more likely than other people to have another recessive trait, left-handedness. My one redhead offspring is a leftie.

24. According to Playboy magazine, “Redheads are like other women—only more so.” See #5.

25. Famous redheads include Nero, Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, the ancient god of love Aphrodite, Queen Elizabeth I, Napoleon, Emily Dickinson, Vivaldi, Thomas Jefferson, Van Gogh, Mark Twain, James Joyce, Winston Churchill, Malcolm X, Galileo, and King David. Great minds look alike.

26. In ancient Rome, redheaded slaves were often more expensive than non-redheads. See #5.

27. Satan is often portrayed as a redhead. See #5, especially the “moral degeneration” part.

28. In 1995, Professor Jonathan Reese discovered that mutations of the gene MC1R on chromosome 16 were responsible for red hair (known as the “ginger gene”). The gene mutation responsible for red hair in humans probably arose 20,000-40,000 years ago. See #5. Survival of the fittest, baby.

29. In Egypt, redheads were buried alive as sacrifices to the god Osiris. By the end of every semester, I feel a bit like an Osiris sacrifice myself…

30. Ruadh gu brath is Gaelic for “Red heads forever!”

31. Redheads are said to have “fiery” tempers. No comment, dammit. Shut up.

32. Some common surnames in the British Isles reflect the frequency of red hair there, including Flanary (“red eyebrow”), Reid (“red-haired, ruddy complexion”), and Flynn (“bright red”).
33. In some cultures, redheads are considered "abnormal." For example, they may raise peacocks and dance in barns.

34. In Michelangelo’s Temptation and in St. Paul's Cathedral, Eve is initially depicted as having brown and blond hair, respectively. But in both artistic renditions, after she eats the apple, and she and Adam are driven from the Garden of Eden, Eve is depicted as a redhead. See #’s 5 & 17. If she has red hair, she must be bad. If she’s bad, she must have red hair.