Don't worry. Be happy (as the Bhutanese).

Death. It’s not something we talk about in the U.S. We don’t even like the word, so we use metaphors that imply fun travel and/or a little extra sleep: rest in peace, the long sleep, gone home, left for her great reward, even dirt nap. We often don’t talk with those who are dying about the inevitable death that’s coming, and often, our own “death plans” (funerals or memorials, body disposition, wills, etc.) are made in private – almost in secret – if at all.

But I’ve been thinking a LOT about death lately. In our immediate family and circle of friends, seven people have either died, or we’ve only just learned about their deaths, since the beginning of this year. I also think Covid and the newer Delta threat act like annoying floats that won’t let thoughts of death sink to the deep waters of my denial mind, as they normally would, so death feels scary, sad, and ever present.

Recently, my youngest son sent me an interesting BBC article about how the Bhutanese people attribute at least some of their happiness to living with and thinking about death on a daily basis (https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20150408-bhutans-dark-secret-to-happiness). They have a tradition of thinking about death at least 5 times a day, and the Himalayan country is considered one of the happiest on earth. Images and icons of death are everywhere in the country, so even kids are exposed to the idea of death from the time they’re born. Of course, Bhutan is a mainly Buddhist country, so the Buddhist belief in samsara, the cycle of birth-death-rebirth, might also soften any fear of dying.

Now, thanks to a friend, I learned about an app for my iPhone (and watch) called WeCroak. It sends me 5 meditations or contemplations about death every day. When a new contemplation comes through, I first see a screen that says, “Don't forget, you’re doing to die,” and then I get the little quote or statement about death. When the first couple of reminders came through, the initial screen gave me a wee jolt, I’ll admit. I talked back. “Nuh uh,” I said. “Shut up.” But now, it makes me laugh, sometimes out loud and at inappropriate times, like the Walmart checkout or the dentist’s waiting room.

Someone in the BBC article said that living with death by thinking about it daily, made her “seize the moment.” I get that. Our time is limited. We should learn to use it more wisely.

This doesn't mean we don't cry, grieve, or miss someone, or that we should run around being giddy about someone's death. It just means that we could learn to see death as a natural part of the life cycle of all beings - like being born, going through puberty, getting wrinkies - and not as the Big, Personal, Final, Lossity-Loss and Permanent Horrific End so many Americans (and others) FEAR.

We have another “celebration of life” to attend this weekend, and I feel like (in my Pollyanna brain at least) my 5 daily reminders will help me to truly celebrate that life, and to embrace our friend's death as a passage and a shared part of our humanity. I’m not sure the 5 daily reminders have made me happy as a Bhutanese yet, but we’ll see…