I am NOT a ginger. Think, people. Ginger is yellow. I am a
redhead. I was called “carrot top” growing up. Bruce Imig used to yell down the
middle school hallways at me, “Flame on, Torch!” And my cousin Jim used to say,
“I’d rather be dead than red on the head.” I even red [sic] recently that
redheads are more likely to be bullied than kids with other hair colors. But I
have suffered long enough the slings & arrows of redism. From now on, I will
wear my red hair like a neon badge of courage and power. And I thought I’d
share a few factoids about redheads (with my occasional commentary), for those
of you still donning huge bad hats or dealing with botched dye-jobs as you try to hide your magnificent bittersweet locks
under a bushel…
1. Redheads have a higher pain threshold than others. And painkillers used in childbirth work three times better on red-haired women than on others. Darn good thing,‘cause wait till you get to #5.
2. Redheads can withstand 25% more electric shock than non-redheads. Good to know for when the Capitol (Republicans) divides us all into Districts surrounded by electrified fences.
3. Red hair is usually thicker and coarser than blond hair, so it appears fuller.
4. Red pigment is a poor filter of sunlight, so redheads are more susceptible to sunburn, skin cancer and wrinkling with age.
5. In medieval times, red hair was thought to be a mark of a
beastly sexual desire, sexual prowess, and moral degeneration. Two-thirds true. I won’t tell you which two
thirds.
6. In Australian slang, redheads are often referred to as
"rangas" (short for the orange-haired orangutan). No basis in fact. See #18.
7. Some astrologers believe that the planet Mars ("the
red planet") is more likely to be rising above the eastern horizon (the astrological Ascendant, which supposedly influences a person's
appearance) at the time of the birth of a red haired person than for the
population in general. Is it a
coincidence that my name means “of Mars”? I think not.
8. Red hair dyeing is sometimes practiced in Islam, because
it is reported that Muhammad had red hair.
9. Scotland has the most redheads (13% of the pop.). Mary Magdelene is often pictured with red hair + she figures prominently in Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code + Dan Brown also mentions Rosslyn church + Rosslyn church is in Scotland = all redheads should get free trips to Scotland to see Rosslyn church. And to tip a pint with fellow redheads.
10. Redheads are more prone to mosquito bites and anemia.
11. The ancient Greeks
believed that redheads would turn into vampires after they died. Makes sense…see #10.
12. Red is the
rarest hair color in humans. Only 1-2% of people on the planet have naturally red hair.
13. Red hair doesn’t gray as
much as other hair colors. It turns blond and then white. Never. I say, never.
14. According to Hamburg sex
researcher Dr. Werner Habermehl, women with red hair have more sex than women
with other hair colors. See #5.
15. Because natural red hair
holds its pigment more than other colors, it is harder to dye.
16. During the witch hunts
of the 16th and 17th centuries in Europe, many women were burned at
the stake as witches merely because they had red hair. Figures. Imagine being a woman AND a redhead AND an herbalist AND a midwife. Oy.
17. Lilith, the supposed
first wife of Adam, is said to have had red hair. She was ultimately kicked out
of the Garden of Eden because she refused to be subordinate to Adam. I find this resistance to subordination
common in most redheads I know, though not in shy, demure little me, of course.
18. Mark Twain once quipped
that "while the rest of the human race are descended from monkeys, redheads
derive from cats." That explains the
hairballs.
19. Hitler reportedly banned
the marriage of redheads in order to prevent “deviant offspring.” Takes one to know one.
20. According to George
Chapman’s 1613 play Bussy D’Ambois, the perfect poison must include the
fat of a red-haired man.
21. According to legend, the
first redhead was Prince Idon of Mu who, upon discovering Atlantis, was
imprinted with the island’s stunning red sunset and leaves in the form of red
hair and freckles so future generations would be reminded of Atlantis’ first
sunset. Clearly, proof of Atlantis’
existence.
22. Red hair is a recessive
trait, which means that a child must inherit one red hair gene from each
parent. I had two redhead grandparents, I
have a redhead mom, a redhead brother, I married a red-bearded man, and of my
three offspring, one is a natural redhead. Of my three grandkids, none is a
redhead. My children will not be allowed to stop reproducing until I get a
redheaded grandchild. Period.
23. Recessive traits often
come in pairs, and redheads are more likely than other people to have another
recessive trait, left-handedness. My one
redhead offspring is a leftie.
24. According to Playboy
magazine, “Redheads are like other women—only more so.” See #5.
25. Famous redheads include Nero,
Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, the ancient god of love Aphrodite, Queen Elizabeth I,
Napoleon, Emily Dickinson, Vivaldi, Thomas Jefferson, Van Gogh, Mark Twain,
James Joyce, Winston Churchill, Malcolm X, Galileo, and King David. Great minds look alike.
26. In ancient Rome, redheaded
slaves were often more expensive than non-redheads. See #5.
27. Satan is often portrayed
as a redhead. See #5, especially the
“moral degeneration” part.
28. In 1995, Professor
Jonathan Reese discovered that mutations of the gene MC1R on chromosome 16 were
responsible for red hair (known as the “ginger gene”). The gene mutation
responsible for red hair in humans probably arose 20,000-40,000 years ago. See #5. Survival of the fittest, baby.
29. In Egypt, redheads were
buried alive as sacrifices to the god Osiris. By the end of every semester, I feel a bit like an Osiris sacrifice
myself…
30.
Ruadh gu brath is Gaelic for “Red
heads forever!”
31. Redheads are said to
have “fiery” tempers. No comment, dammit.
Shut up.
32. Some common surnames in
the British Isles reflect the frequency of red hair there, including Flanary
(“red eyebrow”), Reid (“red-haired, ruddy complexion”), and Flynn (“bright
red”).
33. In some cultures, redheads are considered "abnormal." For example, they may raise peacocks and dance in barns.
33. In some cultures, redheads are considered "abnormal." For example, they may raise peacocks and dance in barns.
34. In Michelangelo’s Temptation
and in St. Paul's Cathedral, Eve is initially depicted as having brown and
blond hair, respectively. But in both artistic renditions, after she eats the
apple, and she and Adam are driven from the Garden of Eden, Eve is depicted as
a redhead. See #’s 5 & 17. If she has
red hair, she must be bad. If she’s bad, she must have red hair.
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