Recent Revelations

1. New math:
   hours needed to grade the current stack of research papers x
   pots of coffee ÷
   Icy Hot neck patches –
   trips outside to scream =
   chocolate martinis you get when you're done.
2. Yes, Mr. Brown; it is STILL a man's world.
3. Going to bed at dark is a sign that in a beautifully Zen-like way, you've become one with the cycles of the earth and sun. It is a sign of your complete harmony with the cosmos and the enlightened understanding of the non-existence of time. It is a sign of your total surrender to the instinctual Inner You. It is certainly NOT a sign of aging.
4. It's one of life's little blessings that when I'm doing my best interpretive dance at Ray's gigs, I can't see what the people behind me see.
5. The venison in my freezer tastes slightly less good since the friend who shot the deer described its size as “Bambi's Mother.”
6. Your 57 houseplants are NOT your children. They are just another symptom of your aberrant hyper-nurturing gene.
7. We need to bring back the salon: gatherings in friends' homes, with live music, poetry readings, weighty discussion & debate, no TV, and wine (do you sense my end-of-semester-salvation theme?)
8. Capitalism has replaced religion as the purveyor of guilt; i.e., you wouldn't seriously consider NOT buying your poor devoted partner/spouse/girlfriend/grandma/sports fan that _____________, would you?
9. It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Mom sneaking red hot candies into every dish.
10. I now regret getting my son a rubber chicken head mask and bacon-flavored toothpicks for his birthday. But only a little.
11. Knitting IS meditation.
12. Secret Dream Job: Black backup chick singer, with a body MADE for a red sequined dress and red stilettos.
13. You can deny the approach of winter & Jack Blizzard all you want, but that stocked wine cellar and that freezer full of fancy pastas, coffee beans, pesto and dark chocolates says you know it's coming.