Paleo Procrastinator

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Semester turns my dining room table into an office.

I cannot believe Semester is already circling me like the rabid hyena he is. Classes start Monday, and not only am I not ready, I’m already way behind. This will be my first semester back full time since BS, and while I had good intentions of prepping non-stop over the summer, I mostly recuperated from last spring’s half-time semester and continued my post-stroke recovery. 

I’m headed back to class with a sharp mind (though my brain’s processing speed is definitely slower and has occasional momentary “brown-outs”), impaired short-term memory (I now make notes for everything), some vocal damage that gives me a hushed, breathy, sometimes croaky voice, and a body that is clumsier, slightly off-balance, and easily fatigued. I will sit down to teach this semester, though I am, by nature, a pacer.

Parmesan "crackers" with tuna.

Mini cheesecakes are saving my life.

I’ll be teaching one combined composition/remedial writing class and two intro to literature classes, and I’ll serve as the fearless leader for the U’s literary & creative writing student organization, the Vermillion Literary Project (VLP - http://sites.usd.edu/projlit/). In all-day meetings yesterday, I was introduced to two more (as-yet non-functional) crumpled wads of confusing technology I’ll be required to use, which doesn’t do a thing for my ballooning pre-semester anxiety, and which will probably leave me no time to actually TEACH.

Tuna salad lettuce wraps.

So am I madly prepping today? Yes and no. Because just in case I’m not torturing myself quite enough with pre-semester jitters, I’ve also been on a no-carb diet for almost three weeks. I’m eating so much meat, poultry and fish, I’m developing fangs & fur. I’d rather starve than eat one more Brussels sprout (which I used to love). I love, follow, and admire every low-carb blogger out there, like they were my children. I eat things called “fat bombs.” I’ve nixed bread, pasta, rice, noodles, potatoes, and anything sweet that isn’t made with stevia. I hope I don’t accidentally eat my students.

My friend, sister-in-law, and niece are also doing no-carb, so we commiserate and trade recipes. My favorites so far are these:

Fat bombs: http://dietketo.com/keto-food/fat-bombs/

Parmesan Crisps: http://untilthethinladysings.blogspot.com/2013/02/twice-baked-parmesan-crackers.html

Zuchini “Noodles”: http://www.spendwithpennies.com/creamy-zucchini-noodles-ready-3-minutes/

Mini Cheescakes: http://www.nuttyabouthealth.com/2013/01/13/low-carb-cheesecake-cupcakes/

My new hangout.

As if to thumb his nose at me even more, Semester is arriving with 92-degree temps, after a long stretch of too-cold-for-the-beach days, as if to say, “Here’s your summer at last. Now get to work.” Okay, fine. I’ll whip up a little tuna salad on a lettuce leaf wraps, then I promise I’ll finish that homework schedule and update the VLP promo materials. Or I’ll take a nap. Or I’ll knit. Or I'll blog. Or I’ll write a poem…about sugar & Doritos.

Why these papers need to grade themselves...

I’m totally gonna grade these papers now.

I've gone through each lit analysis paper folder to check for completeness. I've neatly stacked folders in piles by class, then arranged each pile alphabetically by student. I've gathered my grading necessities: Coffee with cardamom & cinnamon. Check. Stapler. Check. Colored pens (no red, so I’m not too discouraging). Check. Rubrics. Check. Highlighters to draw attention to rubric skills that need work in revisions. Check. Handbook cheat sheet so students can look up error patterns. Check. iPod for meditative paper-grading playlist. Check. Thermal patch for the back of my neck as I hunch over the papers for hours. Check.

Okay, I’m totally ready to start grading.

But wait, this coffee needs more cinnamon.

Wow, these spices are a total mess. I should clean out and re-organize this shelf.

Wouldn’t it be nice if I had a spice rack on the wall, where I could see the spices? I’ll bet I could find something on Amazon.

Seriously? Go back a page to those square red spice jars. They’d be so cool in the new spice rack! 

Uh-oh, I’m almost out of cumin. We’re going to Omaha in a couple of weeks, so I could stop at Penzey’s. I should take an inventory and make a Penzy’s list.

I’m not crazy about this note program on my phone. I’ll Google the best reminder app.

Gee, I should charge the MiFi.

Holy smoke, look at the dust on this desk. I’ll just put a load of clothes in and quickly run a dust rag over things.

There’s got to be a better way to organize these cleaning supplies.

I wonder if my passport's expired? I’d better check.

I should dig through this closet for that cute little blue passport bag.

Sweet…my old railroad overalls! I wonder if they still fit?

I should make a pile of stuff for the Civic Council. And there’s that box of old dishes and utensils in the basement.

I’m hungry. I should make tabhouli; I think I have bulgher and quinoa in the freezer.

Boy howdy, this freezer needs defrosting.

Speaking of frost, we’re in a blizzard watch for this weekend. I should go to the store.

I need to clean this fridge out before I put the groceries away.

The dishwasher’s full, but I should fill the rinse compartment before I run it.

If we’re gonna have a blizzard, I should put up that brooder lamp in the loafing shed for the peacocks.

Yikes…I could use a nap.

Squirrel!